I thought about explaining why I haven't been here in so long, but that's probably a moot point seeing as I'm in college and I'm not even an artist.

Anime Detour's in a week. I'm not in as much of a frenzy as I usually am. In fact, I think this will be the first Detour in years where I have some downtime to just chill. My life is a constant process of learning to boot certain things that I shouldn't care about into orbit and let them stay there, so I guess being able to not stress about cons is a definite sign of improvement?

I've been improving in many other things, though sometimes they feel like setbacks (or at least carry the emotional weight of one). I've been thinking that Christianity can make people do horrible things in the name of someone who'd never approve of them. I thought maybe that didn't apply to me. I don't think that people "go to Hell," a place never even mentioned in the Bible (Gehenna was the trash pit outside Jerusalem, where fires sometimes started), just because their beliefs are affirmed by a different religion, or because the person they love with all their heart happens to be of their own gender, or because of a myriad of stupid things that were written into a book by humans, who are fallible. I don't think we're judged by who or what we give thanks to, or whether or not we give thanks to a higher being at all. I think what matters more is how we act and how we treat other people.

The ancient Jewish understanding of sin was "to harden one's heart to God." Catholicism takes this one step further with the definition of "hardening one's heart to the Body of Christ," which in this case means humanity. It means every single person on the planet. It means that there are no exceptions. Hate and anger aren't supposed to have a place in our hearts, just as cruelty's not an act that we should perform. I failed that a while ago.

I'm so glad it's Lent. I'm so glad. I can't sit still at Mass anymore when the homily is about forgiveness. A stronger person would have been able to work this out on their own without help from a church, simply because it's the right thing to do. But I'm not as strong as I thought, I guess. I couldn't apologize before. I had to look past my own pride and feelings, and that didn't happen for a long time. I was hurt and upset, and I held on to that for far longer than I should have. It took me a long time to be able to stop and think about how I probably caused more hurt by being so focused on my own. It's a strange thing to be able to look at the person in the mirror and admit that you're looking at a jerk. I decided that I'd try to fix it. But that meant apologizing. And to pride, all that means is, "I lose and you win." I had to get around that roadblock *again*. I still haven't.

I'm working on it, though.

Before Lent started, I promised to live my life by love alone. I still fail more frequently than I'd like. But every step I take in the right direction will hopefully accumulate someday. It's just a path I have to learn to walk.

I guess that's all I have to say right now... I got a little long-winded, but that's just how the cookie crumbles. I'll see you all after Detour, I guess.

<3